About the Bailout Bandits

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In 2008 (about three months ago), a crack engineering/racing unit was sent to prison for stealing bailout money from the financial institutions and CEO's. These men promptly escaped from a federal penitentiary and headed to the Washington D.C. underground. Today, still wanted by the feds, they survive as modern day Robin Hoods (without the tights, of course). If you work for the Big 3, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Bailout Bandits.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Introducing the Bailout Bandits!!!

Fed up with the unending politics and recent outpour of “no strings attached” taxpayer money to banks and insurance companies while the Big 3 with their comparatively minuscule request get the third degree by Congress, a crazed group of automotive enthusiasts banded together with the goal of putting our dollars in the right hands. Like a modern day Robin Hood, but without the tights, the Bailout Bandits patrol the streets of Washington DC, intercept bailout dollars headed to making Bank CEO's and Wall Street tycoons richer, and redirect them to support the automotive industry. To avoid detection our plan is to travel the country and use the exciting world of 24hr Lemons racing to distribute this money $500 at a time.

Preparations are underway on our Mighty Mazda 626 Money Machine. It's our getaway car...I mean “racecar”. The worn green paint exactly matches that of a well used and torn dollar bill, while its Japanese name keeps a low profile with the authorities looking for us bandits. If you don't believe all of that, well how about it was the first car we found on Craigslist for under $500 that was actually still running.

Our team consists of some interesting characters. First, there is “Brewski” the jolly New Mexican beer man. Every team needs a beer man. Plus, he gives our team international appeal...well almost. We've learned when we need something done, he responds best to BEER ME. Then there is “Trump” the hardball salesman. A self proclaimed master on the “art of the deal”, he ensures we get the most out of all our negotiations. He also practices saying YOUR FIRED in front of the mirror every morning so we are ready if anyone acts up on or off the track. “Doc” the old man philosopher gives us wisdom without answers. He is supposed to be our voice of reason, but somehow seems to always question our existence and the purpose of life. Fortunately, those answers are easy – RACING, LEMONS RACING! “Torch” is the traveling welder. No one knows where he lives or what he does, he just shows up to cut and fuse metal. For sure a handy guy to have whether we are preparing the car or cutting through bank safes. Rumor has it he helped Paris Hilton coin the phrase, “That's HOT!”. We also have “Wheelman” our crazy getaway driver and team captain. In actuality, he is just fast enough to get out of his own way, but we don't tell him that. We put lead in the bottom of his right shoe to help him pick up the pace. The sound of gunshots or shouting “Go! Go! Go!” also work. Finally, we are currently in negotiations with our local access cable television networks to start a new reality show called “The Search for Bandit 6”. This crazy Lemons thing sounds like too much fun not to share with a 6th driver. Well that, and we want their money.

In summary, we think we are a cool bunch of yahoos looking to have some fun and share our shenanigans with the 24hrs of Lemons. Although parts of our concept may be somewhat fictional, it represents the team's sentiment. We are a bunch of gear heads with a passion for cars and motorsports.

Introducing the Bailout Bandits, in no particular order:

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